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Batman/Birds of Prey: Evidence [Jan. 9th, 2008|12:37 pm]
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Title: Evidence
Author: Teh_no
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 1,346
Fandom: Batman
Pairing: Bruce/Barbara
Summary: They compile evidence. It’s what they do; it’s their job. Batman was a detective, Barbara was a programmer. They found what worked, fit it into its place, and watched it perform. At the end, the process would either flow or it wouldn’t.

Read more... )
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[info]seasonalmarvels story for [info]luckystar37: After The Whiskey [Dec. 23rd, 2007|08:23 am]
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Title: After The Whiskey
Author: Teh_no
Rating: NC-17 (warning: dub-con)
Word count: 4,946
Fandom: Marvel
Pairing: Nick Fury/Kitty Pryde
Beta: [info]rann
Summary: A girl who can walk through walls and a spy who's too old are working late...

The visits to Fury's office saw them both opening the SHIELD jumpsuits, loosening the tight straps. Fury looked, his one eye sharp and aware no matter how much liquor she consumed. And she looked back. He wasn’t bad-looking, for an older guy. Kinda like Wolvie, really. )
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Gone West [Nov. 14th, 2007|02:44 pm]
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[music |Pet Shop Boys – Go West]

Title: Gone West
Author: Teh_no
Rating: PG
Word count: 2,815
Fandom: Birds of Prey
Pairing: Dick/Babs, Barda/Scott
Summary: Barda and Scott are forced to room with Barbara. This complicates Dick’s master plan to fix things with Barbara. His master plan could use some complication, though, seeing as it consisted entirely of...

Hey, Babs, I was in town and I just dropped in for some verbal jousting and possibly a hasty, ill-advised sexual encounter. )
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Abandoned Things [Nov. 9th, 2007|01:58 pm]
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Steph talked to people after she gave her baby up for adoption. They all seemed to specialize in telling her what she already knew. That her baby was going to a good home, that she (Steph knew her child was a girl the same way she knew that she was breathing oxygen, but she would never confirm it. It was another connection she couldn’t acknowledge) was better off, that she was doing the right thing. Robin was better. They would sit and talk about nothing at all and she would feel better than she had in months.

Robin got called away once. He swapped the gas cartridge in his grapple-gun out for a new one. The old one dropped and rolled down the sloped roof, into the gutter, and Robin was off. Peter Pan going back to Never Land. She couldn’t follow. She had no pixie dust left.

She kept the gas cartridge for lots of reasons, none of which she could have spelled out at the moment. Because it was his, because it had been hers, but most of all because it had been good and faithful before being used up. And just because something was used up didn’t mean it should be thrown away.

As soon as she was back in the Batcave, wearing the eggplant again, she refilled the cartridge. Batman didn’t say anything, except that the cartridge was designed to be disposable.

“Since when do you care?”

He left it at that. She started storing all her old cartridges in a pouch to be refilled later. It was a few nights later when they were about to drop down on an armored car robbery. The warning light blinked on his grapple-gun. He changed out the gas cartridge and held out the old, empty one to Steph.

She hugged him like she would never let him go. Maybe she wouldn’t have, but there was a robbery to stop.
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Lian Has Two Daddies [Nov. 8th, 2007|03:52 pm]
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Title: Lian Has Two Daddies
Author: Teh_no
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 764
Fandom: Teen Titans
Pairing: Dick/Roy
Summary: Lian gets read a bedtime story.

Lian’s trying to fix my relationship with Dick. I have a feeling resistance would be futile. )
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Okay, so I lied. [Nov. 2nd, 2007|03:06 pm]
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Scott stared at the Man in Black. He seemed familiar, not just regular familiar but a mosaic of half-memories and nostalgia. His right hand was curled around something that might have been Highfather’s wonder-staff, were it not weathered and even bent near the top. His left hand held two mother boxes, one Apokoliptian, one from New Genesis, connected by a leather thong. His face seemed most familiar, although it was impossible to discern facial features through the stony skin that covered it like a mask.

“I was hoping Barda would be home,” the Man in Black said. His voice sounded really familiar, although Scott was sure he had never met anyone who sounded so dead, so weary.

His left hand, the one holding the mother boxes, was pressed against his midsection. A mortal injury, from the blood that lead to the front porch and was even now soaking into the welcome mat.

Scott, respecting a warrior in his final moments, stepped back and gestured for the Man in Black to come in. “She’s with the…”

“Birds of Prey, I know.” The Man in Black hobbled his way inside, using the magical wonder-staff as a walking stick. “She was so excited, I remember. Her new Female Furies… a sisterhood she had been seeking ever since she came to Earth. We were so happy for her.”

Scott took the man’s hand and led him to the den, where he sat the Man in Black down in his favorite chair. The man seemed to fit there, like a puzzle piece clicking into place. He exhaled. His eyes closed and never opened.

“We?”

“I have little time left. I have to tell you the story… tell you everything. Otherwise, you’ll never understand.” His voice was thin, the last wind in winter or the last gale in a thunderstorm. Scott touched his shoulder encouragingly.

He listened as the man told him about what had almost started and what would’ve happened. He told of Barda’s death, his grief so sharp after all these years that Scott was cut upon it and bled tears. He told of his friends and family’s death, the loss of Lonar and Orion and Metron and so many others. He told of how he alone had escaped the attention of the New God killer. The tale wound back in on itself and Scott felt he was only capturing a small number of the man’s adventures, but he heard of how the man escaped his own DNA and took on that of Superboy-Prime, who he had to break out of the Green Lanterns’ prison. Then he went to New Genesis, a barren wasteland when the Godkiller was done with it, and bathed in the light of the Source Wall… taking Izaya’s inheritance as his own. That part was easy, the way the man told it.

Then he traveled to Apokolips, where life still pitifully survived. For a year his pilgrimage among the Lowlies dragged on, until he learned how to gain the same power Darkseid had possessed… the Omega Effect.

Armed with those, and the power of a million other weapons that were never meant to be wielded, he escaped the time-space continuum itself, defying the famous grandfather paradox.

Fifteen minutes ago, by both Scott and the man’s reckoning, the Man in Black had arrived from the future, stalked a man named Sleeze until he was murdered, and then killed the murderer himself. In killing him, he himself was killed.

“You’re me then,” Scott said.

“A thousand years have I walked this universe, to prevent a future that must not be. I held no illusions of surviving what had to be done. I have become a bad man, a monster… and there can’t be two of us. I just wanted to see her… one last time. But as long as I’m here…”

He took Scott’s hand, squeezed it with the last ebbs of his impossible strength.

“Take care of her. Never, ever let her go. Do you understand? She’s everything.”

“Barda’s in good hands,” Scott promised, watching as a man he could have been, must not become, dissolved into dust.

***

Barda deployed her Raichu. She had crushed her enemy (Sin). She enjoyed seeing her enemy driven before her and hearing the lamentations of her woman (Dinah). But it was not the best in life.

Her Mega-Rod made that embarrassingly catchy ring-tone and she answered it.

“Scott?”

“Barda, I’m kinda having a weird day.”

“You need me to come back?”

“No, it can wait. I just want to tell you that I love you.”

“I love you too, Scott.”

“Come home soon, okay? I’m trying out Ollie’s chili recipe.”

“And that’s an incentive to come home?”

“Hey!” Dinah squawked. “No one gets to mock Ollie’s cooking but me.”

“Hell, bring the whole crew,” Scott said, suddenly jubilant. “We’ll order pizza, make it a party.”

“I can bring the beer,” Zinda piped up.

“I’ll get Barbara out of her nest or die trying,” Helena swore.

“Alright, see you tonight.”

“It’s a date.”

Scott hung up and patted down his own grave with his shovel. There would be repercussions, of course. The timestream would no doubt be damaged by the “escaped” paradox and who knew what chaos that could bring? But with Barda at his side, he could clean it up.

With Barda, he could do anything.

Whistling, he went back inside and tried to decide what a dozen superheroines would want on their pizzas.
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Teen Titans: Mélange à trois [Nov. 1st, 2007|06:28 am]
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Title: Mélange à trois
Author: Teh_no
Rating: R
Word count: 1,503
Fandom: Teen Titans
Pairing: Tim/Kon/Cassie
Summary: After Kon's abrupt resurrection, Tim tries to figure out where the people in his life fit in.

So, are we just going to share her then? )
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Alive (Battlestar Galactica, Starbuck/Cain, alive) [Oct. 25th, 2007|05:53 pm]
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Title: Alive
Author: Teh_no
Rating: R
Word count: 323
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica
Pairing: Kara/Cain
Summary: Kara and Cain feel alone together.

Kara was always sure she would feel alive more than when she was in combat… like when Lee smiled at her. )
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Invisible (Marvel, Sue Storm/Namora, secrets) [Oct. 24th, 2007|12:58 pm]
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Title: Invisible
Author: Teh_no
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 772
Fandom: Fantastic Four/Exiles
Pairing: Sue/Namora (female Namor from an alternate universe)
Summary: Sue Storm improves cross-dimensional relations.

Sue has always had an eye for Namor. And the other eye has always been on women. )
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The Lament of Sally Sonic, Young for her Age, and Cassandra Cain, Old for Hers [Oct. 21st, 2007|10:18 pm]
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This fic takes place after the Titans East arc of Teen Titans, as well as Seven Soldiers of Victory: Bulleteer.

The best parole officers and psychotherapists in the world were employed at Victorious Hills. The Victorious Hills Rehabilitation Clinic for God’s Wayward Children did not specialize in alcohol addiction or drug addiction… it specialized in evil addiction. The psychologist responsible for the Riddler’s redemption was the newest member of the staff. It was endorsed by members of every major superteam in the world, some of whom had spent time inside its halls. Superheroes inspected it weekly, and they did a thorough job. No one would be allowed to take advantage of one of their fallen while they were at their weakest. It was the most modern, secure, and safe rehab clinics outside of L.A.

Sally Sonic hated it.

“I think Mr. Fellows is a pervert,” she said to CC.

Mr. Fellows was their group leader, a former superhero who’d quit after “turning to the Dark Side.” He’d turned back and decided to help others who fell off the straight and narrow bandwagon. He also tended to look at Sally’s scrumptious sixteen-year-old thighs and pert new breasts, which had retained their just-out-of-training-bra look for longer than they had been in a training bra.

CC was another patient, an Asian girl with smoky eyes and short hair elongated into a not-yet-a-hairstyle from too much time without a haircut. There were no names here, code or otherwise… although with the preponderance of double initials in their business, the acronyms could get to be a bitch.

“Mr. Fellows is gay. I saw the way he looked at Guard Piers yesterday.” CC duplicated and exaggerated a physical tic. “He wants him passionately, amorously, sexually, romantically…”

“The walking thesaurus act gets old fast.” Sally Sonic scratched at her arm, watched it scab over like one of those educational films with a flower blooming in fast-forward. “I miss the Evil Serum. It made me feel pretty and mature… what’s your story, Thesaurus Girl?”

There wasn’t much to do in Victorious Hills other than trade secret origins.

“I tried to quit. A man took advantage of me. He drugged me, turned me evil. My old… teammates believed in it.”

The people in disguises who visited CC… young and old, but all dark. Sally Sonic didn't have anyone to visit her, except for the housewife with metal skin whose husband she had cybersexed.

“That’s what hurts the most. Not what I did under the influence, but learning they never had enough faith in me.” CC picked at Sally’s scab for her. “His wonder-drug gave me this voice. Let me read, write… even speak Navajo. Now that I’ve gone cold turkey, I’m losing it. Pieces of my brain going cold and dead… I’ve been writing poetry lately, you know? I won’t be able to do that when I leave here. So I’m going to enjoy it while I can.” She sniffled, once, then her face set with anger. “He gave me a taste of the forbidden fruit. Slade, Deathstroke… that asshole, that monster, that freak, that pedophile, that sonuvabitch, that douche…”

“When we get out of here, I’ll help you hunt him down." Sally interrupted. "I’ve been in a vendetta kind of mood for the last decade.” She cracked her neck. First thing she would do when she got out... some chips, then revenge. “I have supersonic strength. How about you?”

“I beat people up.” CC paused. “I’m very good at it. Proficient, experienced, advanced, a veteran…”

“I get the picture,” Sally interrupted.

CC turned to look at her. “Why are you volunteering to help me?”

“I’m tired of being alone. You’re young. You’ll last a long time.”
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Harley Quinn’s Totally Awesome Team-Up [Oct. 21st, 2007|01:23 am]
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This fic takes place shortly after Detective Comics 837.

What kind of sick freak started a riot at a women’s shelter anyway?

Diana Prince was still tracking down the villains behind the staining of the Amazons’ good name when she ran across the Metropolis chapter of the Athenian Women’s Help Center. As usual, she was a step behind “Athena.” Also as usual, she swore to her gods that as soon as she caught up with Granny Goodness, she would dispatch her much more painfully than with a simple neck-snapping.

But that was in the future. In the present, some scumbag whose wife had wisely left him had decided to get her back. He’d tracked her to the shelter and enflamed anti-Amazon sentiment into a full-blown lynching mob. Some of the idiots still believed those internet rumors about how she was powerless if tied up. Not that she had any intention of letting them, but they were trying to tie nooses into lassos. It would be funny if their guns and road flares weren’t scaring the women inside the shelter half to death.

Wonder Woman was just starting to get bored of convincing scumbag ex-husband to mend his ways when a very familiar, very unwelcome sight shot overhead and delivered a dropkick to his face. Satisfying to watch, sure, but also the match that lit the powderkeg. The mob opened fire and Wonder Woman’s arms pistoned effortlessly, blocking the bullets before they even left the chamber. As she deflected the barrage harmlessly into the sky, her only real worry was her “new friend”…

She needn’t have worried. Harley Quinn was acquitting herself well, even by Amazon standards. Her toga torn off at the knee, she plowed into the mob from behind, yelling self-help slogans like war cries.

“You are getting in the way of our self-empowerment!” She twisted a man’s wrist until he dropped the lead pipe he was carrying. “God, you men are losers! Don’t you have anything better to do on a Saturday night? I’m missing Spongebob because of you?

“Harley?” Wonder Woman asked as she scraped someone’s scalp with a ricochet. She wondered how many near-misses she would have to whiz past their ears before they caught on.

“Hiya sister!” Harley kicked the lead pipe into a man with a baseball bat. “Saw your trial on Court TV. They really caught a good angle of you when you broke that drip’s neck!”

“Uhh… thanks.”

Wonder Woman’s hyper-attuned senses detected someone aiming at Harley with a shotgun. Before she could make a move for her lasso, a whip had knocked the weapon from his hand.

“Cat—“

“It’s just Holly now,” the literal whippersnapper said as she cracked it at some more attackers.

“She’s my sidekick!” Harley announced happily. “Like you and Wonder Girl! Or you and Troia! Or you and Artemis!”

“If you ever meet Artemis, don’t let her hear you say that. And stop knowing so much about me.”

“That’s what my last five boyfriends told me,” Harley said, now mournful. She boomeranged back to happiness. “Which is why I only date—“

The ground cracked and a vine broke through from the sewer below, bearing Poison Ivy like a queen inside a leaf throne.

“Red!” Harley cried joyously. “You came to save me! I knew you would!”

“I didn’t come for you. These men… burn a lot of firewood.” She wrapped one up with vines. “Prove to me they don’t!”

“Told you she cares about me.” Harley stuck her tongue out at Holly.

“Just so you know…” Wonder Woman paused to knock out two beefy attackers at once as Harley decked another, Ivy lassoed one with a vine, and Holly stunned yet another with a cat-got-your-tongue whipcrack. “We are not becoming the Wonder Woman family.”
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Globe (Smallville, Kara Zor-El/Chloe Sullivan, Daily Planet) [Oct. 20th, 2007|11:33 am]
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Title: Globe
Author: Teh_no
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 735
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: Chloe/Kara
Summary: Chloe helps Kara practice her superpowers.

So, what do Kryptonians do for fun on the roof? )
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Gratifying (Marvel, Emma Frost/Ms. Marvel, candyass) [Oct. 19th, 2007|03:37 pm]
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Title: Gratifying
Author: Teh_no
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 775
Fandom: Marvel
Summary: Ms. Marvel is Emma's prisoner.

Carol always did crave discipline. Emma could tell. The smart Air Force uniform into the smarter black one, her never-lapsing membership in the Avengers, and finally her coming out as pro-reg. It was inevitable. )
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Heroes: Life Throws You A Fastball [Oct. 17th, 2007|09:14 pm]
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Title: Life Throws You A Fastball
Author: Teh_no
Rating: PG
Word count: 574
Fandom: Heroes
Pairing: Gen (implied Niki/Jessica).
Summary: Claire and Niki have a team-up.

Niki wasn’t sure if bullets bounced off her and she didn’t want to find out. It didn’t look like she would be given a choice in the matter. )
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Wishful thinking on my part (or: Death of the New Gods isn't cool enough to end this way) [Oct. 16th, 2007|11:17 pm]
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[music |Scissor Sisters - I Can't Decide]

Darkseid wondered what he should do with his life.

The god-murderer had been destroyed. The genocide of the New Gods had despoiled New Genesis and the murderer’s defeat had reduced Darkseid’s beloved and ordered Apokolips to so much rubble, but it was dead. Metron had abandoned his much-vaulted objectivity to deliver the killing blow, sacrificing himself in the process.

Other than Darkseid, they were all dead. He was the last survivor.

Scott Free and Big Barda laid side by side, hands still intertwined in death. With a kick, Darkseid parted them. In the end, all his schemes had come to naught. He had triumphed, if you defined victory as mere survival, but not by virtue of his planning and discipline. No, he has won through pure, dumb, luck.

It was the most frustrating sensation imaginable.

Of course, he could begin anew. Conscript new armies from planets, set out to conquer the universe without interference from Izaya’s band… but where was the triumph in that? He would never see the renegades Scott and Barda brought to heel. Never defeat Orion by either corruption or killing. Mortals such as Superman and Wonder Woman had offered him novelty, but they were the exception. On New Genesis, their caliber had been the rule. And never again would he command forces as perfect as his elite. Their scheming perfectly balanced, their idiosyncrasies bringing him mirth… although none but Desaad he would call friend, and that had been a long time ago, he missed them.

This would not be the epitaph of the New Gods. This… slasher film of a story would not be their Ragnarok. Darkseid would not stand for it. His eyes glowed for a brief moment and then he was encircled with a nexus of Omega Beams.

***

“I request an audience.”

The Source Wall remained cold and silent.

“I demand an audience. You spoke to Izaya, now speak to me!”

The Source kept its silence.

“I will raise up an army. It may take a thousand years, but I am eternal. I will raze a bloody path through the universe. I will find those you hold most dear, the heroes, the holy men, the children, the virgins. I will bring them before you and I will slaughter them like cattle. You cower behind a wall. I will build you a moat out of blood to further fortify yourself. For whatever reason, you cannot interfere. But I give you a chance to stop me without violating anyone's precious free will.”

As one, the Promethean Giants’ eyes opened. They spoke with one voice and a thousand thousand words.

We are listening.

***

Scott Free must’ve spaced out for a moment. It took him a second to get his bearings… he was at home, drying dishes while Barda washed them. “Whoa. Déjà vu.”

“As in this is the five millionth time I’ve told you to buy a new washing machine?” Barda flicked him with dishwater.

“I can fix the old one! I was a repairman!”

“Not a very good one, as I recall.”

There was a ping and Barda automatically reached for her mother box before remembering herself. She looked at her cell-phone’s text message. “It’s Oracle. She’s detected some sort of temporal anomaly. I need to go.”

“Right in the middle of chores. Convenient.”

Barda had already peeled off her dishwashing gloves. “Luck?”

He kissed her. “As if you need it.”

She kissed him again, longer and more passionately. “That is what I need.”

***

“And another thing!” Knockout began, before abruptly losing her train of thought. Or regaining it. Or something. “Wait… what were we fighting about again?”

Scandal looked at her. “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you.”

“Barda put up more of a fight than you,” Knockout taunted as she climbed back into bed.

***

Darkseid, frozen in place as one of the million statues of the Source Wall, waited.

The Source, for all its secrecy, was a fool. It was only a matter of time before he was freed. Darkseid had a thousand continuities in place to free him from his imprisonment. He would escape as he always had.

He did wonder, though, who the Source had placed in charge of Apokolips in his stead… and why the Source Wall had shook with laughter at the thought of it.

***

The new ruler of Apokolips looked at her kingdom. Her subjects stood at stiff attention, awaiting her first edict. She frantically searched her mind for some suitable tidbit of wisdom, thinking back to the great leaders she had studied in school… finally settling on Abraham Lincoln, and a quote that summed up so much of her philosophy.

“Be excellent to each other,” Stephanie Brown said, throwing up peace signs with both hands, “and party on, dudes!”
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Costume (Crossover, Heroes/Smallville, Claire Bennet/Chloe Sullivan, JLA) [Oct. 15th, 2007|09:41 am]
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Title: Costume
Author: Teh_no
Rating: R
Word count: 963
Fandom: Smallvile/Heroes
Pairing: Chloe/Claire
Summary: In the future, Chloe will work with the JLA and Claire will get an invitation.

The old-timers always call Chloe “Snapper Carr” when they aren’t thinking. She gets it. She’s the go-fer. Go for this, go for that, go for hot blonde thing who might make a good team member. )
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JLU: Prologue/Epilogue [Oct. 11th, 2007|04:28 pm]
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[music |Stone Sour - Through Glass]

Title: Prologue/Epilogue
Author: Teh_no
Rating: G
Word count: 1,204
Fandom: Justice League Unlimited
Summary: Wally has an adventure. He calls it life.

I packed snacks. )
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Doctor Who: Inferiority Complex [Oct. 10th, 2007|07:12 pm]
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Title: Inferiority Complex
Author: Teh_no
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 895
Fandom: Doctor Who
Pairing: Dalek/Cyberman
Warnings: ^^^^^^^^^ It's DALEK/CYBERMAN HATESEX, PEOPLE! Is it slash? Het? Femslash? ...gen?
Summary: A Dalek and a Cyberman discover something new about each other... and about themselves.

STIMULATE! STIMULATE! STIMULATE! )
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Long Flight (Bound, Violet/Corky, mile high) [Oct. 10th, 2007|02:53 pm]
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Title: Long Flight
Author: Teh_no
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 748
Fandom: Bound
Summary: Corky and Violet keep themselves occupied during a long flight.

Violet came nearly the minute she was touched. That was part of her charm. All you had to do was have a tongue, a few free minutes, and a finger; she would scream like you were the best lover in the world. Great for the self-esteem. )
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Teen Titans: Five Times Dick Tried To Keep Things Casual With Kory [Oct. 8th, 2007|08:51 am]
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[music |The Proclaimers - I'm Gonna Be]

Title: Five Times Dick Tried To Keep Things Casual With Kory
Author: Teh_no
Rating: PG
Word count: 2,177
Pairing: Dick/Kory
Fandom: Teen Titans
Summary: Dick is very good at keeping things simple. Kory is better at making them complicated.

Kory had a sometimes faulty command of English, despite the kiss she’d given him… deep, long… maybe if they tried again… oh, she was *good*! )
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