| From Everything Is Terrible, your source for "what the fuck did I just watch?" |
[Jul. 13th, 2009|01:15 pm] |
With a chilling insight that would... probably not cut on Star Trek: The Original Series... well, maybe season three... imagine a utopian wonderland where men are constantly complimented on their attractiveness by beautiful women, who then make sexual advances on them day and night. Err, I mean, a horrid dystopia that brings into sharp relief the evils of sexism.
(Whew! That was a close one) |
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| Man Hater!!! |
[Apr. 11th, 2009|09:40 am] |
Although at first this just seems like the cliche stating that lesbians hate men, read the tagline closer. It would appear this is the story of a straight woman (bisexual?) who hates men so thoroughly that she relies on lesbians for sex, possibly even all social satisfaction. Which puts the lesbian that falls in love with her in a bit of a spot. If she helps the Man Hater stop hating men, a far more psychologically healthy outlook, will the Man Hater stop loving the lesbian? Oh, it's like Sophie's Choice, only with cunnilingus. |
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| No, no, and no. |
[Apr. 8th, 2009|10:19 am] |
Derailing For Dummies.
That is not how you derail an Internet discussion. Who're you gonna believe, me or a bunch of girls? HERE'S how you can derail an Internet discussion, provided free of charge.
"Comedy uses familiar stereotypes to get laughs!"
"Sometimes, female characters are introduced solely to be killed and advance the plot."
"But doesn't it bother you that President Obama hates gay people?"
"How do you feel about the fact that audiences see comdies by creators like Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen, and James Franco as more genuine and authentic than female-centric rom-coms?"
"Isn't it odd how many female characters in Watchmen revolve around rape?"
"Having Chinese slang in Firefly shows the influence of Eastern culture a lot better than actually having any Asians on the show."
"Slytherin is just out and out evil; I don't see how anyone could see otherwise."
"So who do you think Dean Winchester would be happy with, Castiel or Sam?"
"Babylon 5 is just a rip-off of DS9."
"I think it's antifeminist to say real gay men should have any say in slash."
"So you see, Starbuck was an angel all along and at the end, she goes back to Heaven."
Know them, love them, use them. Because why derail a discussion when you can just make your enemy's head explode?
ETA: Note that should you try to make your own "derailers," you must be very careful. Think of the derailer as a meme. You must pick the optimum time to use it. Stargate Atlantis being racist is an old meme. You bring that up and there will be only agreement and nodding. Too new a meme... like saying that Watchmen is prejudiced against the lower socio-economic classes... will get no reaction either.
What we're looking for is a nugget of information that has made the enemy come to blows once or twice already, thus leaving old and lingering scars. Something like... the BBC show Merlin reimagining Guinivere as a black woman at the same time she's reimagined as a serving maid to a white woman. We're looking for shock and awe here, people. |
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| Snow Bunnies |
[Apr. 6th, 2009|09:02 am] |
"For God's sake, Marsha, the orgy was two hours ago, put some layers on before you catch your death of pneumonia!" |
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| A Need For Love |
[Mar. 19th, 2009|11:02 am] |
All the boys laughed at Dallas Mayo in grade school, but he'd seen the fortune teller and knew one day he'd be married to Austin Ham by dint of his prophectic name. And who'd be laughing then? Who'd be laughing then? |
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| Alone At Last |
[Mar. 14th, 2009|10:30 am] |
Okay, the boyish teenager is either wearing a mink bra or her nipple is 44-watt. YOU BE THE JUDGE! |
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| Racefail '09 |
[Mar. 13th, 2009|12:26 am] |
So, by law, everyone on LJ is required to comment on Racefail 09. I have, really, just two thoughts on this.
First, we're lucky there are no men in LJ fandom. Because can you imagine if this were a bunch of black men getting angry? Oh, fuck! We have dodged a bullet, okay? Luck-e!
Second, every ethnicity group has its weak points. That's just science. For white people, it's race relations. Let's face it, minority groups are our Kryptonite. We just really suck at anything with brown people in it. I mean, look what happens when you try to add Caucasian to rap music.
But hey, you know, black people, you're not perfect. You have your weak point. Tyler Perry, Madea, that ringing any bells?
Yeah, we all know who makes those movies popular and we all know they're not very good. I mean, really now, combining the freshness and hilarity of a man dressed as a woman with the general quality we've all come to associate with Christian fiction? Stroke of genius, that is.
I seem to have wandered a bit, but to get back to my original point, black people, you need to stop watching Tyler Perry movies or it's okay to be racist against you. Teh_no, out! |
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| Babes Behind Bars |
[Feb. 23rd, 2009|11:39 am] |
Another thing you didn't know about women's prisons (besides the lesbian orgies), it's all tastefully appointed curtains, plush Old World furniture, and mood lighting. It's just like how all women's bathrooms have butlers and complimentary mints and shit.
Man, you chicks get all the breaks. |
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| All Cats Are Grey |
[Feb. 16th, 2009|11:07 am] |
Howard Toward? Now you're not even trying, penname dude. Was Jack Mehoff taken?
Now, I've heard some pretty damn oblique references to lesbianism doing this, but fraternity of a third theme? I genuinely don't know if that's referring to lesbians or some kind of crocheting group.
Thirdly--wow, I'm getting a lot of mileage out of this one--what's with the clothes that the one with clothes is wearing? Yellow and green? What does that remind me of?
Right, girl-Loki. I suppose it only makes sense that he... she... Loki would be a lesbian. After all, what guy hasn't dreamed of being a woman for a day and getting fingered by Anne Heche? |
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| Well, we have a new president... time for dystopian future fiction! |
[Nov. 5th, 2008|01:07 pm] |
As with any election, once we have a new president, it's time for wildly hyperbolic predictions of doom from the losing party. But instead of the tired old United Nations paranoia and Anti-Christ ramblings... why not something a little different?
President Obama gave his eyepatch a quick spit-shine with his gloved fingers as he dismounted from his horse, wiping away the caked dust and mud from his cross-country journey. One of the dolphins, air-sac full of ultra-helium, offered to help him, but he demurred.
Ahead of him, the survivalists were waiting. They'd only brought one Thunderer-class Deus to check his four-legged land whale, but they were still heavily armed. McCain had an M-1 under his poncho, the finish worn off to match the hair he'd lost. The deepening wrinkles made him look like a cracking statue.
"You've heard the same reports I have, John. The zombies are merging into undead kaiju to attack our strongholds. I can't fight them alone. I need your mecha."
John took the hand-rolled cigarillo out of his mouth. "An army can't have two leaders, Barack. You know that."
Barack nodded. He unsheathed the katana from the back of his armor, while John did the same with the sword hidden in his bamboo cane. "Then I suggest we settle this... in mortal combat!" |
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| You watch the debate tonight? |
[Oct. 15th, 2008|10:21 pm] |
I haven't seen a black man and a Vietnam vet go at it that hard since that video Logan Echolls sold me.
(It's taking a minute, but all the people who watched the first season of Veronica Mars are starting to shake their heads and go "Not cool!") |
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| School For Sex |
[Oct. 14th, 2008|11:19 am] |
She tried to be happy with 20-year-olds, but they just couldn't help her with her Woodstock history assignment.
And it had to be, like, 30 pages! |
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| Called it! |
[Sep. 21st, 2008|03:11 pm] |
Compare ( and contrast. )
Although I don't know have much of a cache having the same insights into a relationship as Judd Winick has these days. Still, I feel I should get a gold star for having the version with the most DRAMA!
And really, all you have to do to have the same insight as Judd Winick is postulate the most perverted thing you can think of that's still PG-13. And it's kind of weird that Mr. Progressive is backing away from Kory and Dick having a healthy, casual sexual relationship... although I do think that as presented, it's wrong, especially when you key in how Dick's treatments of Barbara and Kory figure into a Madonna/whore complex (or, respectively, Bruce and Roy perhaps?). Barbara he literally puts on a pedestal, while Kory is there when he's got some excess sperm but he doesn't want to put effort into a relationship. Which, as I said, isn't cool for any of them, but I'm mystified that the solution for two people as "cosmopolitan" as Dick and Kory is to stop having sex altogether rather than set boundaries and work out something better than "fuck until Barbara takes Dick back". |
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| Notice |
[Sep. 9th, 2008|12:44 pm] |
Obama's church has a reverend that hates America? LOOK, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, MAN, WHO DOESN'T HAVE A PASTOR THAT HATES AMERICA?
Sarah Palin was blessed by Wasilla? WEIRD THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE-K, MY FRIEND!
It's like Two-Face flipped a coin or something. |
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| man, The Day The Earth Stood Still plays a lot differently these days |
[Aug. 30th, 2008|12:41 pm] |
Klaatu: So, I hear you guys are developing both atomic bombs and rockets. But the day may come when you combine those into a weapon of mass destruction, which could be of a threat to us, so I am preemptively shocking and awing you.
Of course, the analogy falls apart rather quickly, but it's a fun way to piss off any sci-fi geek you might know.
Now, a remake isn't all that out to lunch... to go one of the more obvious routes, you could play Klaatu as a fascistic envoy, which really is the flipside of his LITERALLY "join us or die" offer, but apparently Hollywood is instead giving him an environmental message. You know, "stop destroying the Earth or we'll destroy the Earth!" (which, okay, makes a little more sense than "we have no war, just kill-bots who brutally kill anyone who dare oppose them.")
I kinda wonder how it would play to change "advanced aliens go to America and tell 'em to stop polluting or else" to "Americans go to one of those third-world nations with no pollution laws and tell 'em to stop polluting or else." You could swap the whole movie from left-wing to right-wing with a little Mad Libs. |
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| Guitar Praise songlist includes: |
[Aug. 29th, 2008|10:34 am] |
Kutless Beyond the Surface
Wouldn't it be awesome if Kutless turned out to be a Klingon-themed band? Klingons are totally punk rock. And their guitars could look like bat'leths! God, I'm such a nerd.
Superchick We Live
Is this the same Superchick that has boy members, so they also call it Superchic, only chic really sounds nothing like chick? |
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